- There And Back Again

I've been hard on myself lately 

I feel like everything I do

Every thought I think 

The words I utter 

And the feelings that I feel 

Are wrong. So wrong and they're not true. 

I castigate myself now even when I'm proud 

From the moment I wake up, I feel like a barking hound!

I just ramble on and on 

Time goes by 

And I smile then I sigh.

It's like everything came crashing down.....

And I don't have the energy to build it again 

But I know that I have to

I need help but I know better now than to seek it from anyone else

So I look above to the One who knows my true self

And I pray and repent to Him, yet I still feel like I'm not doing it right enough

I feel so exhausted 

So not tough

I feel deflated 

I feel worn out 

I need some refining 

I need to abolish my every doubt 

A new mindset ? 

But I liked the old one. 

And I loved it and adored it. 

But I know now that it was foolish

And I can feel myself changing 

Into something new this time 

Never been, never seen before

I felt my heart crack and now there's a light trying to shine through

But it hurts a lot 

And I don't know what to do! 

I'm embracing the pain 

Letting it bruise me 

I am trying to pray; constantly 

Yet, like I said before, 

I'm worn out and completely torn. 

I'm an emotional wreck 

Trying to stay afloat on a sinking deck 

Maybe it's the end 

Maybe it's a new beginning 

I just don't know 

If I'm losing or if I'm winning! 

By Nuha Dadesh

December 10 2017 

2:38 PM