Paradox

I am the definition of a paradox
I have a set of keys and many locks 

I smile when I sigh and I sigh when I laugh
I complain and whine but I'm grateful for what I have.
I know that love is unconditional, but under some conditions it's not
Fighting for what I want is crucial, but sometimes I forget why I fought

When I eat, I feel guilty and when I don't, I'm craving everything
I feel like a peasant reveling in a palace of a generous king

I'm capable of happiness and sadness as well
I desire an eternity in heaven but I know there's a hell
When I'm melancholic,
I get a nostalgia for the times when I genuinely smiled
And whilst I'm feeling hysterically wild,
I get a turbulent rush of emotions: very chaotic

I know what happiness feels like and how to get there
Yet, at times of distress, I lose all energy to bear
The heavy burdens that crush my shoulders
Like some destructive machinery: heavy artillery and boulders
But there's nothing to do sometimes but to endure all the pain
Because with that, I've learnt, comes great gain

So the only thing my soul doesn't contradict
Is the assurance that only good comes out of a strict-
Self management and self discipline
In times of obedience and impulsive sin