A Letter

Dear Child, 

       I have already picked out some names I'd ,potentially, like to call you, but time will tell if the love I have for those names will remain or not. Or, whether your father is going to approve of them or not. Maybe he has already set up a list of his favorite names he considers as appropriate potential calls for his offspring. Speaking of names, I don't even know of his! Hence, I'm currently mad at him!

You're going to be me in an alternative reality; the "me" I never thought would exist coupled with the "me" I've always wanted to! 

I'm writing this to you, my dear while not knowing how you're going to look or how many of you will be running around the house someday. Maybe you'll be a set of twins or triplets. Or each of you will arrive at a special interval! 

Anyhow, as your future mother, this letter will incorporate everything I want to tell you. 

Firstly, I hope I'll be there with tears of joy rolling down my cheeks as I hear your first cry. Then, you'll do a whole lot of crying and I'll tolerate it because it's yours. If Allah wills, I'll squeal with utter enchantment when you start crawling! And I'll clap at your first steps. I will admire your face as I notice each new tooth making itself prominent! Even before you start speaking, I will speak to you about all sorts of topics. I'll carry you and put you to sleep with a lullaby of my own composition. 

The years will go by just like that. You will grow up. If I am still there to perceive your upbringing, I'll thank and praise our lord because you are a blessing. 

You will have many first days. I'll document them! Your first days of school, college, and job! I'll give my parental guidance without your solicitation. As long as I'm there, I'll advice you on what to wear, say, and how to act. However,I'll try to give you your freedom and not be clingy. I'll pray for you; I already do. 

I don't know what Allah has written for you. Nonetheless, if you become successful and popular, be humble because arrogance and being conceited will do more harm than they'll ever do good- in this life and the eternal one. Remember Allah always, and He will remember you: a promise He made! If you don't get the luxury of financial stability, the only thing I want you begging for is a job to earn a living! Do your most begging to Allah, for humans are not to be begged! As a final point, strive for your success in this life, but do so too for your other one. 

Live. Love. Laugh. Learn. 

I will love you regardless. Pray for me whenever you can because I need your prayers as much as you need mine. And pray for your father and loved ones as well- it's the best gift you'll be capable of offering. 

As a final point, I hope I'll be good to you and you to me and this world.  

                        Sincerely, 

                        YOUR MOM     

                          

 

Fairytales

I wonder: why is it that when we were little girls, they'd read us fairy tales with one common theme? That common theme being a girl with an undeniable tragic life only gets to experience happiness when the Prince Charming comes to rescue. Why did he have to be a prince who's charming? Why couldn't just one fairy tale narrate a love story of a girl being saved by doctor or a lawyer. Wait, why is the female always the victim? Why does her savior must always be a man?

I don't want to sound like an irrational feminist, but lets be a little realistic for the sake of growing up young ladies who shouldn't aspire to an imaginary Prince Charming who's most likely not going to show up with his white horse. 

First things first, there's no denying that a young woman will have hovering thoughts about how is the love of her life going to look like and whether his looks truly resemble his inner-self or not! However, that shouldn't be the one and most prominent thought. There should be other compartments of a young lady's brain filled with things that only cling to her. 

Who are you? What do you want to be? Who do you want to be? What's your interests? What makes you happy? Really, what makes you smile, laugh, and rejoice? 

I'm sure every woman has her priorities, but the challenge lies in whether she can outflank society's definition of a woman's priorities to achieve her desired destiny.

I don't want to sound like those people who have lost all hope at living a love story, because I'm not one of those people and I don't plan on being one no matter what I go through. My thought being: a love story should be a part of your story. Not the end or beginning of it. Not a single person in this world is going to come and change your life drastically for better or worse, only you can do that to yourself. So learn about yourself,love yourself, and treat your self right and with respect. Only then, will Allah allow there to be people in your life who will add sprinkles to your already glazed donut. Find happiness through faith, prayer, and hard work. Be a little intuitional. Dare to daydream. Dare to imagine and make up illusions. But, don't you dare forget about reality! 

Drained

I feel exhausted 

Totally worn out. 

Like a paper that has been scribbled about 

Erased then written over then erased again 

What am I doing?Where have I been? 

I've been wandering all over:

Finding out about life and its entities  

Found my myself already lost 

Only in the beginning of my twenties 

I ask questions 

And answers, I do get! 

Then, I feel that light bulb spontaneously  lit

I noticed that I've changed, yet I'm still the same old me 

I'm like a little child restricted from their favorite candy! 

Some days go by 

And others, oh, they drag 

Sometimes I race to the finish line 

And usually I lag 

Behind because I'm just so done 

And I don't see what's the point; where's the pleasure? How is this fun? 

Oh, but I pray and pray to my lord 

To Him, I've poured 

My heart out 

And in Him, I don't have the slightest doubt. 

So I feel good again. 

When I realize what I'm capable of doing, and how I got to where I am 

from where I've been :) 

💞 مع الله 💞

كم أحب كل ثانية أمضيها في عبادة خالقي. و كم أحقد على نفسي عندما تراودني زينة الحياة الدنيا. الحديث مع الله لا يمثله شئ و وصفه ربما يوحي بالمبالغة! و لكن يجب أن أعترف: عندما ادعوا رب و أشكو بثي، و حزني، و جميع خواطري، كل هم و أرق يزول. يتبعثر و يفنى حينها! ها أنا أتحدث مع مالك الكون. أشكو للمجيب الذي استوى على العرش. أدعو إلى الرحيم. أدعو إلى مقلب القلوب. أتمنى, و لا أخاف من الاحتمال أنني ربما لم أُعبر بصواب ما هو الذي يجري و يخوض بداخلي لأنني أعلم أنه يعلم، و سيحقق الخير فيما طلبت. أدعوا و الراحة تهمني. أدعوا و أشعر بالتمسك بقوة خارقة. لا أحد يمكنه كسري و تدبير في أمرٍ ضدي لأني أعلم أن لا طالما ها أنا ادعوا، فسبحانه يدبر امري و أنا بأعينه و هو يحميني. الجبار دائماً يجبر بخاطري. ابتسم كل يوم لانه معي. باق و لن يزول حتى و إن ِزلتُ عن هذا العالم الشنيع. و ادعوا أن يرزقني بالنظر إلى وجهه الكريم. أدعو أن يرحمني برحمته التي وسعت كل شئ. أدعو أن لا يحرمني من جنة عرضها كعرض السموات و الأرض. 

Craziness

One day it will happen to you just like it had happened to every man before you-you will fall into a ditch known as love. You'll see her and everyone and everything around you at that moment will be an utter blur. Your friends are teasing you! But you don't mind this time as your mind is captivated by her flawlessness, and so you take one more glance at her and she innocently catches you and you lower your gaze and smile at the ground. That day, you'll indulge in your everyday idiosyncrasies as usual but there's something special about that day that makes what t was a mundane routine full of brightness. And maybe that brightness is the reason why you start to perceive things with a depth you weren't accustomed to. You brush it off for a few hours, days, or maybe months! 

Somehow, Allah does it to you again: it's her, it's that spark, it's that smile you crack again absentmindedly. 

Maybe it's an illusion and maybe it's real. So genuine. Because you can just feel like she felt it too. She smiled to herself too. You saw it. Your mind is a river of flowing thoughts and your heart is pounding like an angry beggar at a rich man's majestic door. 

At that point, it's up to you. Not completely, but you have some say in what happens next. You can pray to Allah to make her yours -against all odds and circumstances! You can do the impossible to get her. So she can be yours and only yours and you can indulge forever in that feeling that you never want eradicated or obliterated or snatched away. You want it and you want it more than anything you've ever wanted. 

Denial. Refusal. Doubts. They're all against it. They'll whisper and scream things like: but you don't know her! You don't know her name or if she's fit for you. She's not the image in your head. How do you know if the feeling is mutual? How could it possibly be? She's too this and not that! 

But your heart speaks gently and lovingly to you while your brain simmers the denial, refusal, and doubts to make all this nonsense stop once and for all. You see her again and your heart says, "Ha I said so!" And your brain points to every other beauty in the room! But it's her your staring at helplessly as she timidly takes a quick glance then goes her way. And it's true; you don't know her, you don't know her name, you don't know if she's fit for you, and you most defiantly don't know if she feels the same or thinks of similar thoughts. 

Your problem conforms to a dilemma. You can't forget her now- at least, you know your heart won't let you! And maybe she'll laugh in your face, reject you, and you'll be the buffoon of the century. But you pray and pray for omens. And they're there; there's no denying that. You get a tranquility sent from the heavens that she's your soulmate and your other half. Although you are one whole person on your own, that changes when she's around and you become a half that needs to be completed. 

And it's true that you don't know those things about her, so you defy all odds and find your means of obtaining every little detail about who she is and what makes her that "her" that you can't help but dream, think, and talk about. The "her" you can't help but love and admire and be infatuated with. So you find out one thing that leads to another. 

And your brain will give in. It will be your heart's assistant. It will soon start simmering hope, faith, and enthusiasm. It will tell you: how do you know that she's doesn't sing about you? How do you know that you don't make her blush all the way home? How do you know that she doesn't feel helplessly in love with you too? 

So you man up with some given courage from the ones who occupied your heart long before she did. 

One day, miraculously, she's in your arms and she's all yours. No one else's but you! She completes you and she tells you that you make her and make her feel whole. You're one then- the both of you! And you smile and rejoice and laugh because of how crazy it all was. Only then is your faith forever restored because Allah answered a prayer you never really uttered but your soul screamed for from the moment you were born.

Sonder

Maybe, the only advantage of traffic jams is the ultra short-term connections we get to experience with strangers!  

Glimpses of strangers' faces leave me in wonder: we are NOT who we are. 

When you meet someone, regardless of the fact that it's your first time meeting them or not, you don't know who they actually are in that present moment. 

You have no clue what their first thought of the day was and how much of a role it's going to play for the rest of it! 

You can try to guess, but you don't exactly know why they're extra edgy or less happy. 

You don't know if they experienced a heartache they've never encountered before. 

 You also don't know what vivid scenes they couldn't help but see during the paradoxical interval of their sleep. 

...............         .............       ...........

You just don't know what anyone is thinking about. 

You don't know how broken hearted they are. 

You don't know how insecure they really are. 

You don't know how obfuscating everything is to them at this time. 

You don't know how aware they are of their flaws and imperfections. 

You don't know how much hate they possess. 

You don't know what peeves them most. 

You don't know what thought is stroking their throats. 

You don't know what feelings are controlling their every move. 

You don't know how much they hate you when you joke about that thing they don't find the slightest humor in. 

You don't know how much they want to change for the better, but the impediments are just so hindering. 

You don't know why they just smiled or smirked. 

You don't know why they lied when they did. 

You don't know what they genuinely meant by what they have uttered so apathetically! 

We never really know who anyone is, no matter how much we cling to the illusion that we do. We'll never be aware of the actual what's, how's, and why's. "Everything is not what it seems." And only Allah knows every creature's true intentions! 

So the next time you lock eyes with a stranger as you both "coincidentally" turn to the window, meet someone new, or encounter a dear friend or family member once again, try being as much of a lesser burden as you can possibly be, and know that you don't know them nor yourself. Because as every second passes by, we change completely to different beings. We are not who we are. We are a different somebody every day. Maybe it's because we all alter, we don't notice it, as our metamorphosis is ever so corresponding.   

Sadness :(

 
Allah has mentioned more than once as a reminder to the believers in his Holy Book to not be sad. Like many things Allah has warned us about, sadness is addicting. It's overwhelming. It's selfish. When it penetrates your ribs and enters your ventricles and atria, it naively begins considering itself as a welcome component of your bloodstream! It only invites more sadness. Sometimes, happiness gets defeated, and that's when sadness is no longer a disregarded embolus, but a necrotic one: DEPRESSION. In the Arabic language, sadness and depression have a marginal difference in that depression is prominent on the infected patient's complexion! When you're sad, your mood is easily converted into something more radiating, but when you're depressed, even a wish that you've been praying for coming true isn't enough to change your mood. A smile is merely recognizable. Good news? WHATEVER. Bad news? WHATEVERRR! And it's the worst thing ever. In this whole entire universe. Nothing can break someone down and transform them into the most mediocre version of themselves than depression. Battling it is itself depressing, which adds more to the invading sadness, and it leaves keloid scars.