Happiness Found

Depression has its many ugly forms. Depression is a pathological disorder that can inflict anybody for any reason.
Depression starts out with a sadness we're all accustomed to. However, what depressed people tend to notice once they fall into that dark black hole of negativity is that this sadness seems to linger on. It starts to consume you: your thoughts, you emotions, your words, and your actions. You become another version of yourself. Complaining and whining is all you're capable of doing. Any word uttered toward you-directly or indirectly- hurt. Tears easily stream down your face. Sleeping isn't necessary and sometimes it's all you do.

Denial is the probably the first reaction. But once there's that unequivocal feeling that you're another victim of depression, you start to try to swap it away.
Fake smiles. Too much laughter. A persistence to be happy. And your thoughts and everything you do become a haunting paradox. Your heart wants to be happy, but it got used to melancholy. That sadness that you thought was gonna fade away anytime soon will make itself comfortable within you, and you'll soon find yourself treating it with hospitality.
But your inner peace pushes you once more to find that happiness you once reveled in.
Some take drugs. Some listen to music. Some will find new people to complain to.
All are addictions to temporary things.

Depression will give the illusion that it's permanent. But it is not.
Realizing and knowing that will be your alleviation.

Depression is like a sticky stain that will eventually wear off, but will also leave its marks! Thus, that sadness won't just go on by as it watches happiness replace it. It will fight. And when it does, you'll feel that emptiness within you. It's as if it's implying that if I can't stay then so does happiness. And you are not sad but you're not happy either. You're neutral. You're at zero again. But you gotta keep in mind that it's better than negativity. IT'S WAY BETTER.
At this point, during your resolution, boredom is better than sadness.

Now, if you're suffering from the grip of malicious sadness, you'll most likely be wondering how in the world could I beat this and start all over.

I'll tell you because I've been through it all. Because I embraced all the internal pain. Because I learnt why people hurt themselves physically ( it's to escape a pain that hurts way more than the type that lets blood drip instead of tears!).

You have to face the denial. Admit that you're sad- depressed. You can admit it to people, but it's crucial that you admit it to your self. As for the pain, you know what they say: it demands to be felt. So feel it. Let it hurt you. Let it bruise you.
Moreover, there are so many ways and things that you can do to heal yourself. You'll most likely realize that they're worldly and temporary. And you don't want temporary- you need permanent. You need something that's eternal; your heart desires it and your soul screams for it.
Allah is the only one that can eradicate your grief. He's a miracle worker after all.
I advice you ( based on real life experience) to read his holy book. Listen to it. Search for its meaning. Translate it. You'll find your escape. Learn to talk to Him. Vent your heart out , and let your tears rush down in what seems like a perpetual stream. Learn to remember Him. When ever you're breathing, remember him and talk to him and supplicate. Learning about Islam and how it's a way of life will be the light at the end of the tunnel. Trust me!!!
And when you start to see his signs, when your prayers get answered one after another, that's when you'll find that something that will fit into that void that has been abandoned. In addition, Surat Al-baqarah has so many verses that will alleviate and benefit each one of us. My favorites are : 
" And seek help through patience and prayer, and indeed, it's difficult except for the humbly submissive {to Allah}."
You'll laugh again. A genuine laughter this time. You'll smile again. And it won't hurt when you showcase your sets of teeth. You'll feel tingly butterflies. You'll yearn for things again. But sadness will visit too. You just have to remember how to turn it down; by turning back to Allah whenever you find yourself distracted by the illusions of this world.
Happiness is as real as depression. And I hope you find it in whatever Allah has stored it for you 😀

College Life in Libya ~ Part IV

By Nuha Dadesh

    Looking back at the lacrimal secretions I discharged  four years ago gets me contemplating whether I regret them or whether I'm content with what they prepared me for. Those tears were shed because I was about to leave the " Land of the Free and the Home of the Brave" to a land that had a different type of freedom and a distinct type of bravery. 

     The land I'm referring to is obviously Libya; to be more precise, its capital. This also happens to be the name of its biggest university- the University of Tripoli! At which I attended and endeavored for four, preeminent semesters at its faculty of Pharmacy. Furthermore, each semester yielded unique struggles and accomplishments. 

    It was during the interval between the third and fourth semesters that I developed a creeping paranoia that the latter of the semesters would never start. Or if it did, it would come to an abrupt halt. All while heeding at the fact that a paranoia doesn't just spurt. Rather, it gingerly formulates during certain moments of trauma and shock, and then it unleashes its skeptical self as the shock and trauma resume. Fortunately though, the awaited semester finally began after a restful break and prolific postponements. 

   It officially began on a Saturday. However, along with many others, I began my fourth journey at the beautiful and calm campus on the following Sunday. It was a hesitant beginning; no one was sure if it had really commenced. Therefore, a handful of professors gave the introductory lectures on that Saturday and others were impeded by the scarce presence of students. 

    The schedule was scheduled in such an inconsiderate way; it boggled my mind for the rest of the semester how someone could do such a horrible job! Which led to the only realization that it couldn't all just be coincidentally not in our favor- it was deliberate sabotage. 

    The arguments. The disagreements. The fighting. The kidnappings. The melees. And the power cuts! Who could forget about  the power cuts? They all played a crucial part in tampering with our educational career. Nevertheless, you'd most definitely find unflinchingly determined students in the faculty as if none of the aforementioned impediments even existed. Sure, there was the complaining and whining, but that was found at every university in the world! 

  A week of lectures passed. Some were obviously going to be skipped (although, there was the threat of what I called the 25% rule which indicated that if you miss 25% of the lectures of a course, you will not be permitted an entrance to the final.) Also, signing up for the appropriate labs that coordinated with your schedule was a definite havoc. Thus, what should've been a smooth beginning was unfortunately ponderous and tedious. Nonetheless, my friends,who were such an uplift in my life, made it all elapse by creating memories that I know one day will be nostalgic. And thus, the labs commenced a week later.

     As I hurriedly walked down the parking lot to my lectures because I was always tardy, there was a daily reoccurring thought: Why do 8 A.M. lectures have to be a thing? 

   Each lecturer had his/her idiosyncrasy that either preluded some as appealing and others as appalling figures. 

Due to my intense persistence to not darken the bright mindset I had worked so hard to get since I stepped foot in Libya, I decided to keep my focus on only the diligent lecturers. 

    First and foremost, Dr. Abdulla Elhwuegi was the most prominent professor that has taught me in this faculty. He only needed a marker and a projector screen to make Pharmacology not so difficult to study and comprehend. Moreover, Dr.Elhwuegi spoke in a non-condescending tone and knew how to stoop from his high levels of knowledge down to our primitive level. He was so kind as to let us record his explicit lectures and listen to them later. Moreover, I noticed that lecturers who let us record them knew how much we needed voice records of their teaching. For instance, Dr.Amal Ammar was another lecturer you'd find students swapping records of on their phones. She had an enthusiasm that was much admired from the first lecture and up to the last. In addition, she made the instruments we were learning about in Instrumental Analysis come to life when she described their mechanism and appearance. Last but not least, Dr.Awatef of the Pharmacognosy department at the faculty had an exquisite way of making learning about fruits, seeds, and roots, their scientific and family names, their uses, and much more not boring in the slightest. 

   "Don't forget the lab-coat Nuha!" Yeah, I'm one of those weirdo individuals who talk to themselves in third person. The labs were the dullness repellent to my days. Saturdays and Sundays were booked with lectures so a Monday always came to change things up a notch. It would usually start out with me heading to the photo-shop where Nizar, the popular and consumer-friendly shop owner, had the sheets for whatever lab we had that day ready to be sold out to the crowded swarm of girls ( and a guy or two.) I,then, would go up to the third floor to sit next to my awesome lab partner and chat till Dr. Fathia came and explained in a soothing voice what preparation we were to compound that morning. I came to love Saba even more as we measured, weighed, and triturated throughout the Pharmaceutics labs! The rest of the day was spent on a Pharmaceutical Technology lecture and subsequent lab that started at 1:30 P.M. and graciously ended at 4 P.M.  That lab wasn't the most joyous lab. Firstly, the time for the labs were cut off for some reason this semester so the professors didn't have enough time to explain the procedures of every lab before we went in, and so they were obliged to inform us of what we were supposed to do for each experiment in a condensed four hour tutorial in the begging of the semester that was totally forgotten by the time we actually did the experiments. Secondly, the equipment was decrepit. Lastly, the experiments were tiring and time consuming. However, Aya and I ended up with loads of stories to tell and laugh it about the cursed Techno lab, which resulted in our close friendship.Palpably, the weeks were a perpetual cycle of lectures, labs, and memories made even in the testing halls of a small campus that subtly made itself a second home to me.  

 

     All in all, being a Pharmacy student is breathtaking; literally and figuratively. Whether it was studying for a quiz, a midterm, or a final, there was always the feeling of constant stress. In fact, even not studying was stressful due to the realization of how many more packets I had to get through so I can finally get a decent break. The stress of studying was accompanied by other external forces of stress such as a random cancellation of all lectures and midterms of a chaotic day because an important staff member was abducted. Of course, at the time, I didn't know if the halt were to last for a day or two, a month, or for the rest of the semester! In addition, Libya's summer heat blasts would even make that American lunatic change his mind about the Paris Agreement! Thus, studying during the prolonged hours of power outages was a definite struggle. Nevertheless, there was those amazing moments where I got a breakthrough after finishing a sheet or two. Moreover, a rewarding feeling of content always made sure to flicker around within me when I realized how much I was learning; both in my field and in life generally. 

     "Live where you are celebrated- not tolerated." My first years back in Libya, I felt less than tolerated. It is at this faculty that I found people that celebrated me at my best and tolerated me at my worst. 

    Gratefully, I am a person of faith. And I only feel the need to admit that I owe it all to Allah for bestowing those everyday miracles that let me achieve what I archived, endure what I endured, and learn and what I learned. 

A #Libyan in #Libya's standpoint

By Nuha Dadesh

    A tragedy? A misery? A perpetual tale of horror? I honestly don't know what I should      call life in Libya! And a desperate cry from my soul apathetically shouts from within, "does it really matter what you should call it?" 

    Because, do I, a Libyan in Libya, really matter to the rest of the world? And that surges feelings of betrayal and envy which build up a hostility for the rest of the world! But, what does that even mean?-"The rest of the world"? Aren't we all the rest of the world to someone? 

    When the revolution was claimed a victory, the supporters were ready to tolerate whatever subsequent consequence. However, humans can only tolerate so much pain and despair before crashing down. People started taking sides. It's not black and white anymore; it's the whole spectrum now! 

    It's the countless and seemingly never ending misfortunes that we as Libyans, as humans, suffer on an hourly basis that plagued our land with fatigue and hopelessness. For starters, there's an enormous impact that power cuts have on Libyans' psychology, economy, and political standpoints! Besides the modern basic human right that gets snatched away, a part of us does too! There are so many needs for electricity that are crucial to everyday life that make losing it for hours on end intolerable. Therefore, a new type of darkness ensues; a preeminent darkness of the soul! In addition, the unbearable lifestyle that comes about from these cursed power outages makes the nation of little worth to "the rest of the world!" Which lead to my contemporary understanding of a term I never understood in history class...Inflation- something that no one wishes to come across in a lifetime! With a collapsing government, or in our case-governments, there's only the expectation of worsening circumstances! Prices skyrocket. Nothing is worth its price anymore. Everything is so expensive. And poverty is widespread. And poverty gives birth to thievery. And the cycle of corruptness in a lawless land resumes till a miracle from Allah comes and breaks it. 

    Apathy follows; the kind that accelerates the rate of the crippling of our society. 

    And that's what "they" wanted. Whoever "they" are! The bad? The evil? The corrupting "rest of the world"? 

    Because, do I, a Libyan in Libya, really matter to the rest of the world? And that surges feelings of betrayal and envy which build up a hostility for the rest of the world! But, what does that even mean?-"The rest of the world"? Aren't we all the rest of the world to someone? 

    When the revolution was claimed a victory, the supporters were ready to tolerate whatever subsequent consequence. However, humans can only tolerate so much pain and despair before crashing down. People started taking sides. It's not black and white anymore; it's the whole spectrum now! 

    It's the countless and seemingly never ending misfortunes that we as Libyans, as humans, suffer on an hourly basis that plagued our land with fatigue and hopelessness. For starters, there's an enormous impact that power cuts have on Libyans' psychology, economy, and political standpoints! Besides the modern basic human right that gets snatched away, a part of us does too! There are so many needs for electricity that are crucial to everyday life that make losing it for hours on end intolerable. Therefore, a new type of darkness ensues; a preeminent darkness of the soul! In addition, the unbearable lifestyle that comes about from these cursed power outages makes the nation of little worth to "the rest of the world!" Which lead to my contemporary understanding of a term I never understood in history class...Inflation- something that no one wishes to come across in a lifetime! With a collapsing government, or in our case-governments, there's only the expectation of worsening circumstances! Prices skyrocket. Nothing is worth its price anymore. Everything is so expensive. And poverty is widespread. And poverty gives birth to thievery. And the cycle of corruptness in a lawless land resumes till a miracle from Allah comes and breaks it. 

    Apathy follows; the kind that accelerates the rate of the crippling of our society. 

     And that's what "they" wanted. Whoever "they" are! The bad? The evil? The corrupting "rest of the world"? 

Opportunities

     A lesson, I'm sure, we all came to learn the hard way is that opportunities are lost in a blink of an eye. Whether it was a spontaneous refusal of a bite of food that was generously offered that results in a swift, fadeless regret to those missed gargantuan offers that lead to chronic insomnia. 
     The unknown future and the consequences that'll result from the choices we do/don't make are what hinder us.
     Change is a bittersweet thing, and maybe that's why we become so frightful of grasping onto a laid out choice! Moreover, it's our natural instinct as humans to be fearful of regret. However, we shouldn't let it consume us to the point where we end up on a mundane routine that doesn't bring about any kind of change; the kind that leads to an open door to a magical, unbelievable wonderland.
     Sometimes, we just have to listen to what our hearts are trying to tell us. Sometimes, we just need to mute all the logical thoughts our brains trigger and make a bold move towards the unfamiliar. Risks are the climax of our storyline, and taking them, without a second thought might just lead to your very own happy ending- or beginning.... 

An Eternal bond

He knows me 

Always with me 

Always by my side

Constantly on my mind 

To Him,I love to vent my heart out 

Only on Him do I count 

To vanquish my sorrows, troubles, and worries 

And to bestow upon me peace 

In His book, I find reassurance, 

Ease of mind and happiness! 

Allah, my lord,and creator 

The essence of my smile 

My only stimulator 

Breathing

   

This world  is just an illusion 

Full of chaos and confusion.

Genuine feelings. 

Treacherous hearts.

Miles and miles that split us apart. 

An illusional happiness,

A sudden rush of sadness,

Pretty smiles and petty laughs!

So mangy barriers. Countless gaps.

Faith and patience,

Calamities to endure within. 

A cycle of repentance 

And acts of sin....

The #American Empire.....

     I get these flashbacks of myself sitting in what was my FAVORITE class in high school that are starting to haunt me.


     I remember Mr.Golles (ABSOLUTE BEST English/History teacher ever!!!!) teaching us about the collapse of the Byzantine and Roman Empires and how that came to be. I remember him telling us that any empire is capable of dismantling-even the US! And I arrogantly thought to myself, "Well, it's gonna be a while before that ever happens." I remember him telling us that our generation is so caught up with the Internet and the luxuries that a prosperous system has to offer that we became so apathetic towards politics. I remeber him imploring us to vote right when we become 18 and legal in 2016. But, I guess my classmates weren't paying attention. 


     It's 2017! A guy named Trump is president. The Republicans have the Senate and the House, and they're indulging in their acts of corruptness. The American empire is on the verge of its own collapse,and history repeats itself once again!